What Popping Your Corks and Letting Go Over Your Power Leaks Have to do With Each Other?

How Your Ego Wants to Keep You Safe

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I was a tall kid. Obviously, there was not much I could do about it, but my height elicited the most surprising responses from my classmates.

They equated me being tall with me being a bully, so they isolated me from the pack. The connection they made was completely confusing to me because my nature was quite gentle and usually bent quite easily towards kindness.

My nine-year-old self didn't know what to do with their reaction - that little girl just wanted people to see that she was kind and sweet and wanted to be included.

So, this is how my mind coped: whenever I felt like someone didn’t like me, I would deliberately become someone who was overly helpful or accommodating, all to the detriment of my own needs and desires.

Now - I’ll go into how I transformed this lie into the truth of who I am in a bit, but for now just remember this: our egoic brain is built to take whatever we’ve learned to believe (feel) about ourselves and jumps to an illogical “decision” that we like those feelings (aka they are familiar and “safe”).

In the egos attempt to make things make sense to us – to keep us in “familiar” feelings it leans us towards behaviors that will keep that feeling coming. [If you’re in the weeds on this one – go back to Blog 5 for a refresher.]

As an adult, if I found myself in a situation where I imagined that I was NOT being liked, I would automatically go into hyper kindness-and-accommodation mode. I became more interested in someone else’s happiness as soon as the “they-might-be thinking-you’re a bully” trigger was pulled and, that response was completely automatic.

Now – later in life, I grew to recognize the pattern and with that recognition, I could let the insecurity trigger go. The truth is, I’m not a bully. Those kids were wrong. And when I was able to let the lie go from my subconscious mind, I was free to be kind for kindness’ sake instead of living in an illusion that I could control what others were thinking about me.

More importantly, when I released the lie, I gained the ability to see that my needs were just as important as anyone else’s.

As much as I knew on a cognitive level that I was not a bully, I spent years assuming people would see me that way - if I appeared confident. So, I put a lid on displaying my abilities so others wouldn’t get a chance to interpret my strength, as bully behavior.

Is it not amazing how a tiny misunderstanding at nine, affected how I walked in the world, including my personal life and my career right into my early thirties?

 

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Here’s another example from my early years; when I was in grade six there were reports of a sexual predator stalking our neighborhood – this would have been the early 70s and parents were understandably concerned for the safety of their kids.

Now, I was very mature kid for my age - so when the news of this dangerous character was announced, I was asked to chaperone some of the younger kids’ home.

What my teachers thought they were telling me was they could trust me to be rational and responsible. What I heard, however, was I was expendable and not as important as those I was being called to protect.

It seemed to me that the teachers were more concerned for others than they were for me. That misunderstanding got hidden way back in the unworthiness drawer and would take a good deal of work later in my life to eliminate.

What’s your version of these stories? I suspect something came up for you. Did you remember something from kid-hood where you were misunderstood?

Is there a memory where you can already see you might have misunderstood the intention of someone else – and took that misinterpretation into your life?

We all have unconsciously repeated that early childhood stuff over and over again simply because our subconscious brain is working from the Familiar = Safe scenario - we’ve discussed before.

You’re used to this feeling – so you are unconsciously drawn to situations that will affirm - that feeling.

Your ego is keeping you safe by keeping you in situations that feel familiar.

And here’s the flip side – sometimes we can think we’re choosing the exact opposite – and our ego will still deek us out – like this:

Let’s say you had a difficult mother and unconsciously you draw to yourself a difficult mate (they may be all bright and shiny at first – but the truth comes out when you start feeling more comfortable with each other).

That unconscious pull – can be because you unconsciously believe you deserve that feeling – or - you unconsciously want to redeem that feeling.

Let me show you how – you pick someone similar to your difficult mother because you unconsciously want to change the outcome so you think that there is something you can do or say - to turn your difficult mate into a sweetheart.

You unconsciously want to redeem that experience you had with your mother.

It's like you're saying to yourself if I would have been stronger, smarter, calmer, better, I could have changed my childhood experience with my mother.

It doesn't work that way.

Here’s another way we do this - you know how so many people see the potential in someone – they marry or mate with the potential of that person in their mind – it’s all the same stuff. It’s an attempt at trying to redeem the past. And that choice will ALWAYS reaffirm what you currently believe about yourself.

The past can’t be changed. It doesn’t even exist anymore. But when we get caught in thought loops and behavior loops we’re acting as if we can change something that’s already long gone – it’s in the ether – it only exists in your mind.

It's done.

It cannot be altered in any way shape or form.

The only power you have is changing the cycle moving forward.

You need to move into a new way of seeing yourself NOW.

You need to go where you want to go NOW.

You need to be who you want to be NOW.

And this is something you need to learn to KNOW about yourself -

You did nothing wrong.

You didn’t DESERVE whatever you’re currently using as your excuse for where you currently are – but you did CHOOSE it.

Now don’t panic – this is going to turn into a good thing – once we’re done here.

When you embrace the enormous power in that knowledge – that you chose it - you will take yourself wherever you want to go – and you will be able to show others how to do the same!

Here’s the truth – until we wake up to that power - we will unconsciously choose to repeat our childhood over and over again either from a perspective of this is all there is, this is all I deserved or with the repetitive thought that something you could have done or said could have changed the outcome.

As if we can from this side of our kidhood – recreate our kidhood.

Well, you can – but the re-creation isn’t in changing the past – it is in reconciling it with the gift it came with.

So - before we go there – let’s look at a few other scenarios…

We’ve all had a girlfriend or co-worker that is so nice – she’s terrific – she deserves someone wonderful in her life – but she dates assholes who treat her like shit.

Or you get guys who are really decent – they’re thoughtful and kind, smart and capable but they draw mates who are never satisfied and are constantly pointing out their flaws and undermining them in some way.

As cruel and unfair as this all seems from the outside – those individuals’ egos are only bringing them back to the Familiar = Safe scenario.

What you believe about yourself is what others will believe about you.

If you believe you're not enough, that you are inferior in some way, the energy that you walk into a room with, will draw to you people who will affirm those feelings to you. These are power leaks.

Anything that holds you back from the truth of who you are and what you are capable of is a power leak!

So, if somebody makes you feel like you're not heard, you're not valued, you're not worthy, more than likely 99.99% of the time, it is the fact that you believe all of those things about yourself at a core level and what you're drawing to yourself is affirming that knowledge. All power leaks!

The only way that changes - is when the belief changes at the core level – not just on the surface.

If you picked up that you were dispensable, disposable, a throwaway, or whatever negative thing you can come up with and then you experience a horrible situation, it will reaffirm to you what you've learned to believe about yourself.

But at that moment what you're believing about yourself is a lie.

No one CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSES abuse.

No one CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSES sickness.

No one CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSES to feel worthless.

But if that’s what you’ve learned to believe about yourself – you will continue to draw that familiar feeling – until you learn to expect something better.

Correct the lie and start to believe something new and your experiences must change.

So, you can have had a horrific experience in your life and change what it is you believe about yourself and stop those horrific experiences from happening to you again. It is the belief that brought that experience into your life not your lack of worthiness.

You're not a target. You are just simply an energetic match to that experience.

And now I can hear the groaning that says I’m blaming the victim – and I’m not! No one is a victim.

For every example you can find of someone having a horrible childhood – you can find an example of someone who took that experience and used it to launch themselves into the exact opposite situation.

Let’s pick on Oprah for a second – since many of you know who she is - she was born into extreme poverty, she clearly wasn’t white, so she was at a disadvantage in a world that didn’t honor that difference. She was abandoned by her mother, was raped as a little girl, and then raped several more times before she was in middle school. Family and friends betrayed and abandoned her all through her life – but she’s done okay for herself, and she’s inspired others to do the same.

Now, I’m not a huge fan of Tony Robbin's style – but he went from being a beaten, abused, and hungry child – to standing in his own power and feeding millions upon millions of people – both figuratively and literally, and inspired others to do the same.

Malala Yousifsi from Pakistan – was born into a culture that thought girls should not be educated. She was shot in the face for attempting to get an education and advocating for other girls to do the same. Malala is not even out of college yet but hundreds of thousands of girls around the world are getting their education as a result of Malala’s resilience, tenacity, and the fortitude to not accept the lie her culture taught her and she’s inspiring others to do the same.

All three of those examples got started with nothing – although Tony had the advantage of being a white guy – which is no small thing – he’s at least redeemed that advantage in helping others redeem their origin story to move forward.

Look - there are stories of kids raising themselves on the streets of large cities with no apparent advantage of any kind - only the knowledge that they are meant for more - and they’ve found ways of transforming their experience – and have inspired others to do the same.

There are women who took themselves and their kids out of danger and found a way to change the trajectory of their lives – and have inspired others to do the same.

Oh, it's rarely easy – but when a new belief takes hold – it contains a momentum that propels us forward.

There’s an author called Caroline Myss, who used this line in one of her books – and it haunted me for a while. I knew there was truth in it – but I couldn’t quite get it – until one day I did.

Here’s the line – there is an energetic force contained within the illusion.

Here’s how I’ve learned to interpret that.

The illusion is the lie we’ve been telling ourselves.

The energetic force is the energy trapped in us - by that lie.

Imagine a cork pushed into a bottle of champagne. That is a tremendous amount of energy contained just below that small amount of cork. When that cork is released, you could bring a chandelier to the ground – if you happen to have a chandelier you’d like to bring to the ground. It’s a tremendous amount of energy released – getting rid of that little cork.

You’re walking around as this most powerful and delicious human but you’re believing a lie (power leak) that you’re unworthy, unlucky, stupid, incapable, not smart enough, or confident enough – pick one, anyone – or slip one in of your own.

 All of that is the cork.

And it’s jammed in so tight – that the thought that you are powerful and connected to the energy of possibilities contained within the cosmic field - is completely lost on you – until one day – when you read this – and you begin to see the truth of it.

And you wiggle that cork – just a little bit, and then another bit of truth gets in and you wiggle it a little more and then one day – that damn cork blows – and you’re standing in the divinity of who you are and what you’ve come to do.

That’s the work – we’re doing here.

It’s messy and emotional. It can be overwhelming when we see how that lie has morphed and mutated its way into all kinds of areas – but here’s the truth – once you start honestly looking at this and honestly move forward – and you change a belief and embrace the new truth – it will begin to topple others – and more of that old stuff will come crumbling down – leaving you to build whatever you wish.

What do you feel when I say that? Are you filled with fear or anticipation?

This work is not for the weak – but if this is resonating with you – and you’re feeling a pull - let’s press on and learn more.

For now – do me this favor – as you recognize a lie you’ve been believing until now – and it tries to take overuse this simple line.

I used to believe that, but I no longer do.

I used to believe that, but I no longer do.

I used to believe that, but I no longer do.

Saying these words – will start to reprogram your subconscious mind. This is a simple and effective way to introduce a new Familiar Feeling to your ego – so your NEW Familiar can become the NEW SAFE.

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So, what's the Cork you are currently using to hold in your authentic power?

What are you currently using as an excuse to live a smaller life than you came to live?

There is a clue in your language so be aware of that. Listen for things in your life where you let yourself off the hook; I'm not lucky, I can't catch a break, I don't have enough money for that, my mate would never support me or understand me if I tried that, there are people that are better at that than I am, I'm too old, that sounds like it's too much work, maybe in my next life...

Those are all corks and they’re based on a lie you've grown accustomed to – you’re corked. But you can pop that sucker any time you choose.

Much of this stuff is subtle and so we become convinced that life is just happening to us. We convince ourselves we're not in choice, and sometimes hearing that we’re making choices that we don't like can be disempowering.

You can turn that on its head when you embrace that you have the ability to create whatever you want. Now that you know different you can be different.

Notice the lie – and then change your story.

I used to believe ________ but I no longer do.

I used to believe ________ but I no longer do.

I used to believe ________ but I no longer do.

Pop that cork! Unleash Your Life!

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